How to Love Everyone You Meet

What if we automatically felt love for everyone we met? I think we can program ourselves to think that way.

There’s a song by Hozier called “Someone New” that my husband jokingly calls “Some Dog New.” He plays it for me on the weekends when we have to drive past PetSmart during adoption hours because–it never fails–I will always walk away from all those metal crates in love with at least one or two new dogs, trying to convince him that it’s a good idea to go back for them. So every day (or week), it’s “some dog new.”

The Joy of Feeling Love for Everyone You Meet

What if we allowed ourselves to love strangers and fell in love with people that way? Not romantically, of course. That’d get messy, fast. Lol But just simple, basic love, simultaneously the biggest and smallest thing we have to offer. 

What if, during every encounter, we really paid attention to each other and found something to love and appreciate? What if we mentally pocketed all those little things about other people that we took note of and pulled them out later when we were feeling hopeless or maybe even disgusted with the world or humanity as a whole (I know a lot of people are feeling something similar these days.)?

How to Love Everyone, Even Strangers: Observe

Just paying attention to people can go a long way if you want to teach yourself to love strangers. Open your heart and observe…

What You Might Notice

• Maybe you’ll see someone drop money and then watch someone else pick it up and chase them down to return it instead of pocketing it. Score for humanity! Permission to love strangers!
• Maybe the employee working the drive-thru is totally overwhelmed by the rush but pauses to give you a sincere “thank you” when you leave a tip in the jar outside the window. You are appreciated, too.
• Maybe you like someone’s accent. Or the way their smile is kind of lopsided and their eyes light up to suggest they’re thinking of too many things at once to vocalize much of anything going through their head in that brief moment. You’ll never know more, but it doesn’t matter.
• Maybe it’s someone in line at the store who engages your toddler when he starts getting impatient instead of standing there and glaring and/or shooting “hate rays” at you and your noisy spawn.
• Maybe they have a scar you could guess the story behind. Maybe that scar explains an odd or quirky behavior you noticed once before.
• Maybe they have a different background or a different perspective on something, and stepping into their shoes for a moment can teach you something new. Even if you don’t agree with what you learn, love them for the opportunity to learn, think, and explore from a different angle.
• Maybe they’ll be rude and you can just love them for reminding you how much of a difference you can make by showing someone grace in everyday situations. Maybe you know enough about them to know they were rude because they had a stressful morning, and you can appreciate their perseverance through tough times or the fact that they aren’t rude that often, when they easily could be.

Create Your Own Stories

I also like to make up stories about people I don’t really know but see throughout the day, and sometimes I love strangers for made up reasons (or maybe it’s intuition) if the interaction wasn’t long enough to notice much or if I just observed them as they walked by.

That works, too. You’re still mentally sending them love and appreciation, and experiencing a little positivity yourself. That will also boost your own mood and make you more likely to seek out the good in others in the future. At least that’s how it works for me.

But First, Disclaimer

And let me just add this before I go on to the next thing: I am sooooo not in this mindset all the time, but I wish I could be. Sometimes, I’m in an unstoppable foul mood and I don’t always have a reason for it! (Can you relate??)

Those days, it’s next to impossible to love strangers and I’m just trying my best not to bite anyone’s head off, feeling like I’m going to explode if one more thing goes wrong.

I couldn’t really care less if the lady at the register has the most genuine, radiant smile or the customer service guy I’m on the phone with is the most patient person I’ve ever met in my life.

It’s something I have to work on. There have been times in my life when someone could’ve handed me a huge diamond, no strings attached, and I would’ve immediately gone to work looking for the imperfections.

The small, everyday habit of falling in love (just a little bit, and in a totally platonic way) with everyone you meet–or even a few people a week–can change your mindset and light up your life. Trust me, I spent a lot of time in the dark, and when depression and anxiety get the best of me, I go right back there.

Say Something Out Loud

So…do you acknowledge the observations you’ve made out loud?

In some cases, you may feel compelled to tell the other person what you’ve noticed and appreciate about them (you probably don’t want to tell them you love them or anything, even though you know what you mean when you throw that word around…y’know, boundaries and all that), and that’s a beautiful, day-brightening thing to do.

What to Say

Personally, I’m so shy I don’t often say anything, and I regret it later. It’s weird that it feels so vulnerable, but to openly express observations–even good ones–makes me anxious.

So openly declaring, “I care about you” or, “You’re so < insert trait here that’s not obvious unless you pay attention to little details and put them together >!” or just something like, “Wow, I’m so happy to share the planet with someone like you because you give me hope for humanity” makes me feel SO vulnerable.

It’s like I’m standing there naked, admitting I cared enough and paid enough attention to them to peer into their souls (haha) and make these observations. It gets scary when you open your heart like that in a quest to love everyone.

It’s easier to go for the obvious and tangible (and yes, I can like the heck out of somebody’s new shoes, too!), but they don’t truly express just how much you appreciate the person as a whole. I wonder what people would do if I just started going up to them and telling them, “I’m so glad you exist.” LOL

If you’re unsure, maybe try something like:

• You’re so nice.
• Wow, you handled that stressful situation well. (May be useful in a retail setting)
• You seem like a great listener.
• I wish there were more people like you.
• You have a beautiful smile! (Kind of generic, but sometimes useful and appropriate)
• You seem like such a genuine person. I admire that about you.

If You Think Compliments Will Be Weird

Keep in mind, some people have a hard time accepting compliments and praise. But some people really, really need to hear that they’re appreciated, too.

Use your judgment. Do what makes you feel comfortable. You can mentally thank them for being amazing or just go for it and say it out loud. You can still love everyone–especially strangers–and never say a word to them about it. 

Practice Opening Your Heart

How does it make you feel when you receive praise or a compliment? How do you feel when you give it? If you could tell anyone how much you appreciate or admire them right now, what would you say? Go ahead and write it in the comments below. You don’t even have to say who they are.

Please don’t turn my blog post into a Missed Connections column, though. LOL

Take this as an opportunity to practice. Giving compliments and expressing how much you care about someone is kind of like working a muscle. The more you do it, the easier it gets.